(I forgot to get a picture of Henry!)

Jack is asleep on my boob right now. It's the most peaceful he's been all day. I should be using this opportunity to get work done, but there's something kind of paralyzing about the notion that he might wake up at any second. For a while I thought that was going to guard against procrastination, but it turns out it just makes it much harder to get over the inertia of starting any project because I have no idea how far I'll get into the task before I'm interrupted and if it will even be enough time to be worth getting started. I expected boredom to drive me back to work. I don't think I'm bored. I think if I could just get rid of the expectation I've suddenly acquired, I'm not entirely sure whether through external or internal pressure, but if I were able to purge myself of this sense of needing to have something to show for the day, I could still be enjoying myself. But I can't, and so I don't enjoy the time I have with Jack as much as I should and I'm still not getting anything done.

The morning was enjoyable, at least. I went to the Cal Academy with my friend Emily and her son Henry who is almost exactly a year older than Jack. She's a member, so got me in free, which was extremely fantastic, since it's $25 or something for admission, which is why we haven't gone yet. It was great to finally get to see the place, it was everything I'd hoped it'd be (YAY SCIENCE!), and equally great to get a chance to visit with her. We had so much to talk about, despite not ever having hung out that much one-on-one before the babies entered our lives. Back when we were co-counselors at Sierra Camp, our relationship involved more trying to see how many lies we could get our 9- and 10-year-olds to believe than having deep conversations. I think I just really like her attitude about parenting, about being a mother and a person, her sense of where Henry ends and she begins. And it was neat to get an idea of where I'll be a year from now. I think people like to scare you with the toddler years, telling you how easy you have it now and oh just wait until he starts toddling. Why do people do that? Like it stops being fun after he can start walking and talking and having his own thoughts and becoming a person? Why did these people even have kids? Of course I have a great role model in my sister, but she is too far ahead to be instructive. It's been so long since she was on her first, and I didn't pay attention back then. And now when I look at her I don't know how she does it but that's like looking at a marathon when you're just running 6 miles and wondering how anyone manages another 20. Anyway, Henry is not intimidating. I could handle a Henry. He tries to squirm his way out of the stroller and the high chair but is easily distracted by keys and cell phones and fish and looks at the world with such wonder you don't mind running after him. Jack's got curiosity down, but not quite wonder yet. I'm excited for when he looks at the world like that. I almost said I can't wait, but I can. I'm excited for every little bit along the way.

Baby is awake now. So that, as they say, is that.