The next everything

I have been waiting to find myself with a little space of time to share my reflections on the birth, but I am beginning to realize that if I wait to find myself with any kind of time, I may never blog again. I have no idea how long I have until Jack will need me, so I don't want to launch into a long story here and let the draft sit unfinished. I will instead post these photos now and save more exhaustive musings about the birth for another day. Thank you so much to Alison for being my designated blogger for the past few days (it is a funny thing to log into your own blog to see if anything new has been posted), we will try to do a better job ourselves from here on out.

In the interest of time, but still wanting to capture the essence of what has been going on in our lives over the past few days, here are some highlights:

- nurses unable to contain their amazement at Jack's "HUGE hands!"

- the nigerian nurse telling us that when you name your baby after someone who died that same year, it means that person has come back to be with you again... which I kind of teared up at a little and I think Grandma did, too

- the first time I locked eyes with my new baby, thinking two thoughts that eclipsed my whole world in that moment and that I'm still not sure I've completely gotten over: 1) are you really mine? and 2) how on earth did you just fit inside me a moment ago?

- waking up to Danny talking back to Jack in the hospital, mimicking his little gurgles and squeaks and whimpers so that it almost sounded like they were having their own conversation... and then relating this to Danny later and discovering that he didn't even remember doing it and so was actually talking to Jack in his sleep

- when the doula suggested some music and Danny (having magically transported most of the contents of our entire house to that hospital room) whipped out the itunes and put on Bright Eyes-- we usually fast-forward through the beginning of the first song on this one album because it's just talking, and kind of awkward talking at that, but this time listening to it, and having this one part in particular feel suddenly incredibly meaningful to me as I was about to give birth, I still tear up when I think about it (there has been a lot of tearing up these past few days): "we're going to a party... it's a birthday party... it's your birthday party, happy birthday darling, we love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!"

- the doulas telling Danny that he had maybe missed his calling and should consider becoming a doula himself because I think he was the best labor support they had ever seen in a dad-to-be

- a picnic of very pricey salami and blue cheese in the hospital room, celebrating being able to eat the things I love again

- listening to Danny make up new words to Blazing Saddles to sing to Jack

- listening to Danny tell Jack a bed-time story about a bear cub named Jack who defended the garden against the evil squirrel king... and being really excited to hear more in this series

- the sleepless first night home from the hospital, the anxiety and uncertainty of how to comfort our new baby, followed by the regrouping second night home, with a game plan that we were all excited to execute on and then didn't have to because he practically slept through the night, followed by the overconfident third night, where we thought we were starting to get good at this and sheepishly remembered that we have only been parents for three days... and the weary excitement of wondering how the fourth night's going to be

And on that note, I should probably get to bed while the getting is still good. More highlights will spill out later, I am sure, that will do for now.

We're parents. I can't quite believe it, but it's true. He really is ours. Our baby. We made him. He's perfect, and we made him. The first perfect thing I've ever done.