Awaiting the magic

It's advent. When I was little, what that meant to me was that there was a calendar counting down the days until Christmas and every day you got to open up a window and there would be a little piece of chocolate hiding inside. What a great season! What better way to count down to presents than with candy? Now I am learning that advent is awaiting the arrival of something magical. We are having our own advent right now. I am usually very good at waiting, but that's because there's usually a fixed date that you're counting down to and you can manage expectations. It's a whole different story when you just don't know when this thing that's going to change your whole life might happen. Could be today, could be tomorrow, could be in two weeks! But you have to just go about your daily business and pretend that weeding the garden or doing the laundry is important and has meaning and probably isn't going to be interrupted at any moment and if you put it off because you expect it might be, then you'll just have a weedy garden and a whole lot of dirty laundry.

Yesterday my sister and my friend Liz threw us a baby shower. It's rather late in the game by conventional standards, I realize, and there was the possibility that the baby would come before the shower. But I wanted to wait until my sister could come and I don't think I cared that much if the shower happened anyway because I didn't realize how special it would be. Sometimes I find myself shrinking away from the traditional things that mark these sorts of rites of passage, because I think they'll be trite or contrived. And I generally don't like telling people, "Hey! Come celebrate me! Bring me presents!" This, however, was neither trite nor contrived and the celebration felt like it was of something much bigger than me (or Danny). I already knew my friends and family were amazing people-- that's why I chose to cultivate these relationships in the first place. But I think it had somehow escaped my notice what it means to have such talented, creative, smart, thoughtful, generous, inspiring people care about you, what it feels like for them to focus their powerful energies on you. My friends and family decorated shirts for us to wear at the birth, so I'll have something bright and cheery to motivate me and lighten my mood during labor. They made us a baby blanket so soft I want to bury my face in it and never come out. They brought their favorite childrens books to build baby's first library, so many stories I can't wait to share. They got us three months of diaper service-- so we'll make it through the fourth trimester without having to scrub our own diapers or add to the landfill! My grandma made me a memory book of stories from my childhood, my dad's childhood, and her childhood, so detailed and complex, I can't wait to pass these legacies onto the little one. My sister planned out this fantastic game for us to play at the shower that was so funny it brought tears to my eyes, and yet somehow gave Danny and me a great boost of confidence as we smiled at each other across the room and realized, hey, we're really ready to do this parenting thing. My friends pooled their talents and time to sew a patchwork quilt ABC book for us, so intricate, with so many shapes and colors and patterns, I can't stop flipping through it, I can only imagine how captivated the baby is going to be. And they did this all for you, little baby in my belly! Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Can you even begin to understand how loved you already are, by us, and by these wonderful people, before you've even entered our world?

This is going to be a schmoopey blog, isn't it? I just can't seem to help it! There's nothing like bringing a baby into the world to make you stop and realize what a beautiful place it really is.